In this section, three narrative threads from Sunjie’s stories at different stages are shared. Over the 3 years, there were many details about Sunjie’s emotional change and identity construction. The following is a brief report of the research findings.
Thread 1: an interested but confused learner
Sunjie’s story with STEM education started in September 2016, when she attended academic lectures as an exchange teacher in Austin, Texas, USA. She showed a keen interest in the idea of STEM education, “I was very interested, or even excited, when I first learned STEM education in Austin”. As for the reasons, she explained:
I consider that the ideas of STEM education have much in common with my own education philosophy. Looking back on my 20-year science teaching experiences, I always unconsciously introduced some technology, engineering, and mathematics knowledge in class. I think [they are] very meaningful and valuable. [This is] because, on the one hand, I want to broaden my students’ views; on the other hand, I think this knowledge is inevitably needed when solving real science problems in our lives.
Sunjie emphasized that she truly believed that science cannot and should not be taught in isolation and that students need to connect science with more disciplines when they encounter real-world problems. Furthermore, Sunjie regarded STEM education as an interdisciplinary or cross-disciplinary curricular innovation that integrates science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. She thought that STEM education often focuses on project-based learning, inquiry-based learning, and solving real-world problems. These features are especially essential for teachers to help students become active learners and develop their creativity.Footnote 7 In fact, Sunjie mentioned many times that she was deeply attracted by the educational values of STEM education, which further increased her interest in STEM education.
Sunjie’s interest stemmed from her personal positive beliefs in STEM education (e.g., her recognition of the ideas and values of STEM education). This interest drove her to study hard. As Sunjie recalled, she went to the libraries to search for related references, carefully learned many developed STEM curricula, and asked her teacher friends in Austin for advice on the implementation of integrated STEM teaching.Footnote 8 Also, she emphasized that it is not easy to be an effective learner of STEM education. She had to mull over and investigate many details to better learn a new, promising, interesting, and valuable pedagogy. This process sometimes made her tired. Meanwhile, Sunjie mentioned that all these were what an interested and hardworking learner may experience. When she effectively learned some ideas of STEM education, she felt more confident of her professional identity as an effective learner. To some degree, this learning process helped develop her professional identity as a learner.
After one semester spent studying STEM education, Sunjie said that, in her diary, she had set a higher professional goal: “to be one of the first STEM teachers”:
The more I learn about STEM education, the more I become interested in it... I am so interested in it, and I want to put it into practice... The Ministry of Education has published an initiative to advocate STEM education... Since I am very interested in it and [it] is advocated, I hope I can try integrated STEM teaching in Chinese classrooms... I am eager to be one of the first STEM teachers in my hometown.
This statement indicated that Sunjie generated the preliminary thought of transforming from a learner to a practitioner due to the increase of her interest in STEM education and support of reform policy.
Although Sunjie decided to try integrating STEM teaching as a practitioner, she had a clear understanding of the contradictory factors in STEM education changes in China at that time. As Sunjie said, “STEM education was mentioned in the national and local government documents, but [it] had hardly been implemented [in my hometown]…”. On the one hand, STEM education was advocated nationally and locally. On the other hand, integrated STEM teaching was rarely implemented in Sunjie’s hometown. Sunjie explicitly knew that there was a mismatch between policy advocacy and school reality, and the real effect of STEM education in practice in China had not been studied. Moreover, the features of STEM education (e.g., focusing on project-based learning and inquiry-based learning and solving real-world problems) are not in line with Chinese traditional educational culture and the teacher-centered classroom culture. These two mismatches sometimes made Sunjie feel confused and unsure about the effectiveness of what she wanted to do in the Chinese context:
Chinese traditional [classroom culture] is teacher-centered while STEM education advocates student-centered [classroom culture]... Could Chinese students also benefit from it like western students ... [since] the real impact of ... this [curricular innovation] ... had never been examined? ... [I am] confused about [its] effectiveness in China...
To be clear, Sunjie expressed that, as for the effectiveness of STEM education, she felt confused and uncertain rather than worried at that time. There were two reasons for this. First, Sunjie emphasized that she had unconsciously introduced some technology, engineering, and mathematics knowledge in her science class over the last 20 years. She thought that students could accept STEM education based on her experience. Second, despite the existence of challenges delaying the implementation of STEM education ideas, Sunjie believed that her understanding of STEM education aligned with many education policies in China. China is building itself into an innovative country, and many policies are issued to help develop students’ creativity, including policies on STEM education changes. Because of this, Sunjie believed that the exam-driven educational culture would change in the future (although it would take time) and that STEM education could be fitted into Chinese classrooms.
During her time in Austin, Sunjie perceived herself as a learner and prospective STEM teacher. As Sunjie wrote, she was attracted by the idea of STEM education and was interested in the theory and practice of it; meanwhile, from time to time, she felt confused about its effectiveness in Chinese classrooms. These emotions (i.e., interest, confusion, etc.) were influenced by Sunjie’s personal beliefs (related to her prior teaching experience), education policies, and educational realities in China. Sunjie further said that the more interested and confused she was, the more she wanted to understand STEM education in depth, and the more she wanted to implement integrated STEM teaching. This further motivated her to be an active explorer soon after returning home.Footnote 9
Thread 2: an enthusiastic but nervous explorer
Preparation and implementation of first integrated STEM teaching: principal’s and colleagues’ attitudes and students’ performance as significant external factors of emotion
With a strong desire to implement integrated STEM teaching, Sunjie nervously submitted a teaching proposal as soon as she returned to her hometown. It is worth noting that although some initiatives were put forward to advocate STEM education, most school principals did not follow them at that time. Luckily, Sunjie’s principal supported her. Sunjie recalled how she felt when she became an explorer:
I was so happy and excited that I had the opportunity to explore what I was really interested in and to be among the first to implement the STEM curriculum reform ideas... However, my principal and colleagues expressed their anxiety about my teaching effect... They would come to observe my integrated STEM teaching. This made me feel really nervous and stressed. I thought I could not disappoint them.
Her principal’s and colleagues’ attitudes greatly influenced Sunjie’s emotions. As Sunjie described it, anticipation, excitement, enthusiasm, and nervousness were interwoven. She hoped to present an impressive lesson. She expected that her principal, colleagues, and students would enjoy integrated STEM teaching and, thus, actively respond to the STEM education initiatives. Furthermore, she was not very confident in her integrated STEM teaching and was worried that she might fail to meet her principal’s and colleagues’ expectations. This emotional state existed throughout the entire process of preparing and implementing integrated STEM teaching. She said that although she indefatigably and enthusiastically perfected her instructional design repeatedly, she was still worried that the design was not good enough. This situation made her very nervous. She described her nervousness with the details that she tossed and turned in bed the night before the implementation. Most importantly, Sunjie’s enthusiasm for STEM education never waned. She shared some exciting things with us: “One of my colleagues praised [me] that my design was better and better… [And thus,] I felt a little bit more confident and a taste of accomplishment… The positive comments also made me more enthusiastic about what I was interested in.”
However, the implementation of her teaching was not going very well. Perhaps her students were bound by the traditional teacher-led classroom experiences. During the integrated STEM teaching, the students did not perform as expected. First, they did not know how to collaborate with others in project-based learning. Although Sunjie divided the class into several groups and asked students to work in groups to solve a problem, the students did not actively communicate and work on the problem within their groups. Students regarded the STEM problem as simply a traditional classroom exercise and solved the problem independently. Sunjie frequently asked them to communicate with peers, but most of the students kept silent. Second, students thought that it was difficult to understand and combine knowledge and ideas from different disciplines to solve a STEM problem. For instance, Sunjie provided them with a problem related to sewage treatment. Students understood the constituents of domestic sewage but did not understand the sewage disposal technology and did not know how to design sewage treatment tanks based on that technology. Third, students were unwilling to interact with Sunjie. They were more willing to accept Sunjie’s instruction instead of sharing their thoughts and ideas with Sunjie. Fourth, when students were asked to solve open-ended problems or design something new, they were at a loss about what they had to do. This implied that students were bound by solving problems with standard answers. As a result, students’ response to teaching was not so good. Meanwhile, based on students’ responses, some colleagues expressed doubt about this teaching style; some teachers even questioned the STEM education reform initiatives.
This discouraged Sunjie. As she said, students’ performance and colleagues’ doubts made her extremely sad and depressed in the next week.
Significantly, her principal’s and colleagues’ attitudes towards Sunjie’s teaching and students’ performance were important external influential factors affecting her emotions when Sunjie prepared and implemented her first integrated STEM teaching. Before her teaching, Sunjie knew that she would be observed and assessed. She hoped that her principal and colleague would have positive attitudes toward her STEM teaching and give positive feedback. This produced huge pressure on her and made her feel nervous. Meanwhile, some positive and kind comments from her colleagues made her feel relieved and enthusiastic. Finally, her students did not perform as well as she expected during her first teaching. She found that her principal’s and colleagues’ attitudes toward her teaching were not as positive as she had expected. This made her sad and discouraged.
Making the decision after an intense inner struggle: self-motivation as a significant internal factor of emotion
Failure is essential to the success of the implementation of STEM education. Sunjie did not give up. After watching the teaching videos and reflecting on the problems in her teaching implementation, she told herself that she had to pull herself together and continually explored how to implement integrated STEM teaching in Chinese classrooms.
Sunjie decided to go on after an intense inner struggle. She expected to show the educational values of integrated STEM teaching and actively changed the exam-centered and teacher-led teaching style. Meanwhile, she was worried that she did not have the strong abilities to change her students and classrooms. Also, she had anxiety that her students would not accept and embrace the changes. Sunjie said that she was very perplexed, nervous, and worried at that time. However, although Sunjie had internal doubts, she motivated herself to make more efforts to be an effective STEM teacher.
More importantly, Sunjie knew that there would be many challenges in the future. However, she motivated herself to continue implementing STEM education. She tried her best to make a difference, deviating from the old style of exam-centered and teacher-led teaching, and was undeterred by future challenges. This self-motivation, stemming from her strong beliefs in STEM education, helped her adjust her emotions to keep exploring integrated STEM teaching after the failure.
Particularly, this intense inner struggle helped Sunjie not only understand the opportunities and challenges that a STEM teacher may face, but also think clearly about her professional goals and identities. As Sunjie explained, she figured out the in-depth meaning of the word “explorer”. She said that an explorer was bound to encounter many difficulties and struggles. As an explorer, she was travelling to an ill-defined practice field in order to know more about it. If she gave up when she encountered troubles, she could never bring anything new to the small world around her. She considered that an explorer is a courageous person who may experience anxiety and upset in the process of discovery and experience excitement after making a discovery.
Overcoming the challenges: internal and external influential factors mixed
The difficulties of exploring and implementing integrated STEM teaching produced negative emotions in Sunjie. After deciding to continue, Sunjie made efforts to overcome negative emotions in her daily work. Particularly, the education policies regarding STEM education, as a critical external factor, played an important role in eliminating Sunjie’s negative emotions during this process. In June 2017, the China STEM Education White Paper was published, and some STEM education and curriculum reform initiatives were issued. Although many schools did not respond to it immediately, Sunjie more firmly believed that what she did was valuable and meaningful. Meanwhile, these policies further increased her enthusiasm for STEM education.
For nearly one and a half years, Sunjie diligently and enthusiastically explored how to implement integrated STEM teaching once a month.Footnote 10 Sunjie asked for advice from instructional experts from the university, investigated her students’ learning needs, informed her students with more knowledge about transdisciplinary themes, provided students with more effective guidance in cooperative or project-based learning, and thought about how to enhance students’ interdisciplinary synthesis ability.Footnote 11 She hoped her students liked and benefited from her teaching. All this showed her enthusiasm for STEM education. These specific strategies helped Sunjie move her integrated STEM teaching forward, and further internally kept her enthusiastic. Meanwhile, Sunjie mentioned that an enthusiastic explorer was very likely to have a sense of responsibility and would try her best to use various available strategies to overcome the difficulties effectively. Sunjie admitted that enthusiasm helped her develop her professional identity as an explorer. She also became more enthusiastic about what she was exploring after overcoming some difficulties as an explorer.
Undoubtedly, the exploration of integrated STEM teaching was very challenging. Sunjie described the exploration process briefly and her mixed emotions:
For each integrated STEM teaching, I revised and perfected the instructional designs, collected students’ feedback, and reflected and analyzed teaching effects many times... Although [I] put a lot of effort, I still experienced a lot of unsuccessful teaching ... I experienced the emotions of enthusiasm, nervousness, anticipation, and joy repeatedly almost every month.
Particularly, Sunjie repeated that it was challenging to shape a courageous explorer. She claimed that learning from mistakes, failures, and setbacks could help her become a better explorer.
What supported her in facing the challenges (e.g., colleagues’ misunderstandings, unsatisfactory teaching effect, inactive students, etc.)? Sunjie emphasized the importance of enthusiasm for STEM education and regarded it as an inner fire that kept her going:
Enthusiasm for STEM education was [the] most important [support]... It gave me the motivation to keep active in doing what I loved and wanted to... I think that the process of being a STEM teacher requires faithful youthful enthusiasm and down-to-earth efforts. This process was a persistent climbing. Without enthusiasm, it was difficult to overcome many obstacles.
Sunjie admitted that she had suffered much external pressure in some periods (e.g., she worried that her students would not do as well in the final exams as they had done before because of her incapacity to implement integrated STEM teaching, she worried that her colleagues would not understand and accept her teaching, etc.). However, Sunjie told us that she gradually learned an active way to understand and regulate negative emotions. She tried to stay positive when negative emotions emerged. For instance, she gradually treated integrated STEM teaching with a common expectation, which helped reduce the nervous tension. In addition, she learned to consider her unsuccessful teaching as an opportunity to learn instead of something that made her sad. These strategies of emotion regulation, as important internal factors, helped Sunjie stay positive. Meanwhile, Sunjie’s self-motivation influenced her emotions. Sunjie realized that motivation usually comes from pressure. She thought that her nervousness and anxiety made her work hard. In addition, working toward her dreams relieved her nervousness and anxiety.
During this period, mixed internal and external factors interacted and influenced Sunjie’s emotions. She encountered many external challenges and pressures (e.g., colleagues’ misunderstanding, unsatisfactory teaching effect, students’ inactiveness, students’ poor test scores, her school’s wavering support, etc.), which made her nervous and a little worried. Meanwhile, some internal factors (e.g., self-motivation, emotion regulation strategies, specific strategies to move teaching forward, etc.) helped her stay positive and enthusiastic. In addition, education policies regarding STEM education played an important role in eliminating Sunjie’s negative emotions. The critical external factor of education policies cannot be ignored as a factor in the change of Sunjie’s emotions.
Repositioned as a model STEM teacher: STEM curriculum reforms as external triggers of emotion
In September 2018, some school STEM curriculum initiatives were issued in Sunjie’s district, and many schools began strongly promoting STEM education. As Sunjie was one of the few experienced teachers in the field of integrated STEM teaching, many mathematics and science teachers in her district came to observe her teaching and communicated with her about STEM education. This interaction between Sunjie and other teachers repositioned her as a model STEM teacher in her district. Although this situation made Sunjie more nervous, her enthusiasm for STEM education was further kindled when many more teachers became interested in integrated STEM teaching. For instance, some of the interested teachers were very appreciative of the shift from a teacher-led classroom to a student-centered classroom. They believed that Sunjie’s attempts were aligned with what the new curriculum changes encouraged. In addition, some teachers agreed with Sunjie’s teaching ideas and considered it meaningful to integrate science with more disciplines. Many of these teachers told Sunjie that they wanted to follow her model to try integrated STEM teaching. This made Sunjie very excited.
Actually, the external triggers of these school STEM curriculum changes influenced Sunjie’s emotions. Sunjie was repositioned as a model STEM teacher in her district. She received many positive comments from her colleagues. Moreover, the alignment between Sunjie’s attempts and what the education changes encouraged was recognized. This externally strengthened Sunjie’s positive emotions.
A brief summary of Sunjie’s experience as an explorer
With regard to Sunjie’s experience as an explorer, enthusiasm and nervousness were her two dominant emotions. On the one hand, she was nervous and worried about her teaching effects and her colleagues’ and students’ attitudes toward STEM education. This nervousness and worry made her feel insecure about her professional identity. “Could my integrated STEM teaching be accepted? Could I be an accepted and recognized STEM teacher?” Sunjie asked herself repeatedly. Meanwhile, she tried her best to learn how to regulate emotions and relieve stress. On the other hand, her enthusiasm for STEM education motivated her to be a better STEM teacher and keep going.
Both external and internal factors influenced Sunjie’s emotions. For instance, Sunjie regarded STEM education policies as a support for her professional goal and identity and sources of her positive emotions. In addition, comments from colleagues and students, students’ performance, and social environments (e.g., the Chinese traditional exam-centered culture) were powerful external factors influencing Sunjie’s mixed emotions. When meeting challenges, Sunjie can use some internal emotion regulation strategies to stay positive. The irreplaceable internal factor of self-motivation was a powerful source of her enthusiasm. Both external and internal factors intertwined to impact her mixed emotions. These emotions further played an important role in shaping Sunjie’s professional identity as an explorer in the background of STEM curriculum reforms.
Sunjie gradually enhanced her understanding of the professional identity as an explorer. At first, she defined herself as an explorer when she had the opportunities to implement integrated STEM teaching. However, she may not know the in-depth meaning of an explorer clearly. After experiencing a failure of integrated STEM teaching and an intense inner struggle, she understood that an explorer must encounter many difficulties and struggles. When she faced more difficulties and struggles, she realized that an explorer should learn from mistakes, failures, and setbacks. Also, she realized that the process of overcoming difficulties may help her become a better explorer. With the improvement of the understanding of her professional identity as an explorer, Sunjie regulated her emotions when facing failure and challenges. She did not feel as intense and anxious as she felt during her first failed teaching. She took her unsuccessful teaching as an opportunity to learn rather than thought it as the origin of her sadness. All these further showed that the formation and development of professional identities impacted teacher emotions. Moreover, Sunjie admitted that enthusiasm helped her cultivate her professional identity as an explorer, and when her professional identity was developed (e.g., she overcame some difficulties), she became more enthusiastic about what she was exploring. This indicated the two-direction interactions between her emotions and professional identities.
Thread 3: an excited but unsatisfied mentor
In September 2018, the education department in Sunjie’s district issued another local initiative to promote STEM education and curriculum changes. This initiative included a more detailed plan encouraging science teachers to develop and implement integrated STEM curricula in their schools. Against the background of this initiative, Sunjie built a STEM teaching studioFootnote 12 and became a mentor who voluntarily trained young teachers to learn and implement integrated STEM teaching. As for the original intention to build the studio, Sunjie explained:
So many stories with STEM education happened to me. To some degree, [my stories] heavily stimulate my enthusiasm for STEM education... With this strong enthusiasm, I always thought I could do more to better promote ... the STEM education in my district... Since the new initiative encouraged young teachers to try integrated STEM teaching, many of them wanted to follow [the initiative]... Thus, it is a very good opportunity for me to contribute to the reform.
This statement revealed that Sunjie’s strong enthusiasm was a driving force for the transformation of her professional identities between explorer and mentor. As a mentor, Sunjie shared her STEM teaching experiences with her mentees. During her mentees’ implementation of integrated STEM teaching, she provided comments about their implementations to help improve their teaching abilities. All mentees designed the lesson plans, discussed the solutions to problems encountered in their designs and implementations, observed teaching videos, and analyzed students’ feedback together with Sunjie. Sunjie told us that she was very excited to be a mentor in the studio: “Nothing was more exciting than implementing integrated STEM teaching with a group of enthusiastic young explorers”. Meanwhile, this excitement was related to her mentees’ performance, school leaders’ and instructional experts’ recognition and encouragement, and teachers’ attitudes toward STEM education reform. As Sunjie said,
We implemented many successful STEM teaching together after hard work together. I witnessed my mentees’ progress in integrated STEM teaching... Many leaders, experts, and researchers recognized our teaching implementation and gave us different kinds of encouragement and support... Meanwhile, there were more and more like-minded young teachers actively participating in the implementation of the reform around us... [All these things] made me very excited.
While excited by the growing influence of integrated STEM teaching in her district, she still felt unsatisfied because of some resistance to the reform and the gap between ideal and reality in her mentees and teaching. Sunjie wrote about her un-satisfaction in her diary:
Although some initiatives about STEM education have been issued... [by the local education department], some school principals and leaders still do not respond to it actively. This situation created blocks for some young teachers who are interested in integrated STEM teaching... I know that it is common that some people may be cautious or conservative about new initiatives. However, I hope that integrated STEM teaching will be implemented in a larger scale and in a greater depth.
In the interview, she said, “I often demanded my mentees to better implement integrated STEM teaching and expected our teaching should achieve more ideal effects… However, many of the real teaching effects did not meet my expectations”.
During the year as a mentor, Sunjie communicated with and interviewed many principals, experts, and STEM teachers. After one year as a mentor, Sunjie told us that she was often excited about the changes in students, teachers, and other stakeholders:
I find that more and more students are attracted by integrated STEM teaching... Researchers and parents pay more attention to STEM education... And, more and more schools get really involved in the STEM curriculum reforms... All these changes are very exciting.
These changes in stakeholders showed the potential of STEM education in China, which made Sunjie particularly excited. As she told us, “Although STEM education started late in China, it shows a strong momentum of development and strong vitality. I am particularly excited about that”. Furthermore, these changes helped Sunjie realize the meaning of her professional identity as a mentor, that is, a mentor should contribute to these successful education changes.
After deeply realizing the values of STEM education, Sunjie believed that such education was particularly needed because innovation is strongly promoted across the country. She had strong confidence in the prospects of STEM education in China. However, as a mentor, Sunjie had a deeper understanding of problems in the STEM curriculum reforms. She expressed some concerns to us in a conversation. Sunjie was a little unsatisfied with the traditional culture of conformism and examination-oriented teaching because they could make many people reluctant to change and, thus, slow STEM education reform. Most importantly, she emphasized that teachers were at the heart of the reforms and spent too much effort on integrated STEM teaching while often lacking support and attention:
Teachers are often said to be emotional laborers. I want to add that STEM teachers are like crazy people because they have to put their emotions into studying and teaching regardless of the cost. Their efforts are out of proportion to what they get... They are silent and courageous implementers of reforms, while they haven’t gotten enough care and support they need... I hope this unsatisfactory situation can be improved.
All these concerns helped Sunjie realize the responsibility of the professional identity as a mentor. As she stated, a mentor should help more explorers go out of “the shell”.
Generally, Sunjie, as a mentor, felt excited because she saw some of the successes of the STEM curriculum reforms in China. In addition, Sunjie felt unsatisfied with the situation of STEM education because she encountered some issues and challenges with STEM education reforms. As she concluded, these were the two sides of reform. Teachers were always experiencing both positive and negative emotions in the reforms. Sunjie further stated that the mixed emotions of excitement and un-satisfaction stimulated her to be an excellent mentor and make more contributions to the development of STEM education in her district.